The Only Faith I Need
by Micaiah
Summary: Missing scene from 11.21. Sam and Dean have a talk about faith, forgiveness, Chuck, and oh, yeah, the amulet.
**Missing scene for 11.21.**

* * *

Dean closed the book he'd been reading and rubbed at his tired eyes. The water had been running in the bathroom for quite a while, which meant no hot showers for him or Sam tonight. Dean sighed and kicked off his boots. How dirty could Chuck possibly be?

Down the hall, Chuck began to sing at the top of his lungs. Apparently God had a big set of lungs in that tiny vessel. Dean rolled his eyes and tossed his flannel shirt onto the floor with his boots. He dug into his pockets and began piling his things on the nightstand as Chuck continued to bellow.

 _Please make it stop._

Almost immediately Chuck became silent and Dean frowned.

 _Now you decide to answer a prayer? Dick._

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out the amulet…something he had thought he'd never see again. He sat on the edge of the bed, turning it over in his hands. The glowing had stopped. Chuck had explained how he could turn it off anytime he wanted.

 _You were there all along and you never bothered to help us. You could have stopped everything. You could have saved Sam from the cage. You could have…._

"Hey."

Dean glanced up at the sound of his brother's voice, realizing too late there were tears in his eyes. Sam's face immediately clouded.

"You okay?" Sam crossed the room and sat next to him.

Dean's first instinct was to tell Sam he was fine. It was always his first instinct to protect Sammy from the bad stuff but what he held in his hands was proof that he often failed. That time had been one of the darkest times in their lives and all because Chuck couldn't be bothered to lend a helping hand. He'd just sat on the sideline, watching them struggle…..watching him lose Sam.

Dean shook his head as a tear made its way down his cheek. "No, Sammy, I don't think so." He wiped at his face with one hand, clutching the amulet in the other. "He could have stopped it all. The son of a bitch could have changed everything. He could have _saved_ you, Sam, but instead he just…..what? Decided we could take care of things ourselves?"

Sam gave him a sad smile. "We stopped the apocalypse, Dean."

"But at what cost, Sammy?"

"God doesn't always do things the way we might think he should, Dean." Sam was going into fanboy mode again. "I mean, in the bible….."

Dean held up his hand to stop Sam's forthcoming bible lesson. "Dude, I've read the bible."

"Then you know God works in….."

"Don't finish that sentence," snapped Dean. "That's bullshit. There's no mystery. He just didn't give a damn. He did _nothing._ Yeah, we stopped the apocalypse, but what if we hadn't? Millions of people would have died just because God didn't want to be an enabler? People worship him, Sammy! Why do they do it?"

Sam was silent for a moment, as if searching his mind for the answer to Dean's question. Finally he said, "Hope. Everyone needs hope and God gives people hope."

Dean snorted. "They don't know him like we do."

Sam grinned. "No, they don't but maybe that's the way it should be. Can you imagine how insane this world would be if everyone knew the things we do?"

Dean nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it would be pretty messed up. Ignorance is definitely bliss in some cases. But we needed him, Sam. The apocalypse was his gig, his mess to clean up, not ours. Why do we have to keep making sacrifices because his family is more screwed up than ours?"

"Dean, I know you're hurt, believe me, I know. I believed in him. I spent hours praying to him but I never got any kind of sign that he heard me, that maybe he believed in me too…..until now." Sam's face was a mixture of sorrow and awe and Dean could see he wasn't the only one having a hard time with this. "The same bible that teaches about him teaches about forgiveness. Maybe that's what we have to do. Forgive him and move on."

Dean shook his head. "I'll never forgive him for what happened to you, Sammy. I can't. Can you?"

"I think I already have, Dean," said Sam quietly.

"How can you still have faith in him after all we've seen?" Dean studied his brother closely. Sam, ever the optimist, the one who could never give up…..of course, he'd still have faith. That's just who he was. "You always were a better man than me."

"That's not true, Dean." Sam gestured toward the amulet in Dean's hand. "If I had been, you'd never have tossed that in the garbage."

"I wished a thousand times over I'd never done that." Dean closed his hand around the amulet. "So, you had it all this time?"

"It wasn't always in my pocket, but yeah."

"Why didn't you ever mention it?"

Sam shrugged, looking almost ashamed. "I didn't know how you felt about it…..or me. I mean, I was the reason you threw it away and I know that was a long time ago but I've not always been the best brother. I've said and done some horrible things….."

"Stop right there, Sam. We're not doing this anymore, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've never been good at saying how I feel about anyone, Sammy, but you're my brother and there's absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for you. So, don't go beating yourself up for something you might have said years ago that I've already forgotten about, okay? You and I are good. I can't forgive Chuck but I'll always forgive you, Sam. I just hope you can do the same." Dean lowered his eyes, remembering the hollow sound of the amulet hitting the bottom of the trash can. He'd felt so hopeless then. He'd lost faith in everything, even his baby brother, the one person he'd always believed in, but as always, Sam never gave up. Sam had saved the world and there wasn't a day Dean didn't regret tossing the amulet into the trash, as if it and Sam had never mattered to him.

Dean felt his tears starting again as Sam squeezed his shoulder. "Dean, there's nothing to forgive you for."

Dean choked back a sob and held up the amulet. "Not even this?"

"I think it's safe to say you can blame that one all on me." Sam and Dean's heads turned at the sound of Chuck's voice. He was standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, dripping water on the floor.

Dean groaned. "File that under things I never wanted to see."

"Do you guys have any food in this place?" asked Chuck.

"Um, yeah, I think there's some leftover pizza in the fridge." Sam gave his brother a puzzled look and mouthed the question: _God eats_?

Chuck trotted off in the direction of the kitchen and Dean said, "The weirdness never ends."

"That'll be the title of our autobiography someday. Sam and Dean: The Weirdness Never Ends."

They both laughed and Dean stood, tucking the amulet back into his pocket. "We'd better go make sure he doesn't trash our kitchen."

Sam hesitated. "Dean, I'm sorry Chuck isn't what you wanted him to be."

Dean shrugged. "It's okay, Sammy. I never had much faith in the guy anyway."

"I know, Dean." There was sadness in Sam's eyes. "I was hoping that would change."

Dean smiled at his brother. "I have faith in you, Sam. That's the only faith I need."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome! I have to say this fic is way outside my comfort zone because I believe in God and the bible and it's hard to write about God in Supernatural when he's totally different from the God I believe in.**


End file.
